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Dear Stabby,
The chick from my GED class finally let me smash. With her friend no less! Problem is they live in a crackhouse and her friend couldn’t get horny what with the glory hole in the bathroom and all, so we had to sneak back to mom dukes place to commence the humpin! I know my uncle heard us cuz he busts in pretending he finna take a shit, like he forgot where the bathroom was, when really he just wanted a glimpse of this epic fuck action. Next time these two freaks are proposing bringing my homie in the mix to have a pussy eating contest. I’m down but we need a judge! I’m thinking about asking unc since he obviously wants to watch, but if mom finds out she’ll slap my beard off. Then I’ll be drydicked AND grounded. What should I do??
Hon E. B. Burgler
Hi Hon!
Thanks for trusting me with such an intimate dilemma! Worry not, this column is a judgement free place to share openly and feel safe. But if I was your mother I would slap you too and you would deserve it, you pervert! You’re so worried about what your uncle wants that you never thought to ask either girl how they feel about it! I know if somebody caught me with my pants down pretending he might poop on me I would probably not want to see them ever again. And think of your poor mom! Don’t you think SHE might want to be included for a change? Try low balling her with a “Hey mommy, what if…?” hypothetical. The answer might surprise you! But before you get ahead of myself, have an honest talk with all of the key players first. When it comes to sexy times it’s important that everyone feels secure and comfortable. Who knows, maybe they have their own judges in mind? It’s not all about you and your creepy uncle, you know!
Never Speak to Me Again,
Stabby!
